My Best Career Move? Having Kids.

Oct 25, 2023

Before kids, I was a slave to the to-do list and all I did was work. I went to work, came home from work to work more, used weekends to work. I’d come home from a full day of client meetings, grab a quick meal, pull out my laptop and get started on the next item on the to-do list.

I numbed myself with work. It was who I was.

Now, I have to approach work and life in a more harmonious way.

Okay fine, do I still dip back into the numbing glare of the computer screen when the inbox notifications are in double digits, the looming report is due and I haven’t started? Absolutely. But now I’m quickly jolted back to reality with the sounds of crashing Magna-Tiles and gentle shakes of toy rattles from the living room.

Kids have a way of being a constant source of motivation to do meaningful work. They make me question how I spend my time and what I stand for. They've completely shifted my perspective.

Quite simply, they make everything better including my career. Here’s why:

I realize the importance of time: My husband and I recently binged The Bear, the overstimulating show about a top chef taking over his deceased brother's Chicago restaurant. It’s full of intensity, emotion, and A LOT of yelling. In Season 2 they show a navy blue sign hung perfectly below the kitchen’s timer.

It reads: ‘EVERY SECOND COUNTS’ in sharp white letters.

It stuck with me. Now, I can’t help but envision myself as a Michelin star chef ensuring every minute is maximized.

With time constraints in place at work, I find myself viewing 15 minute increments in a whole new way. I thought I was efficient before, but now time is now my most valuable resource.
My perspective has changed. The small things at work don’t matter as much when you’re responsible for keeping humans alive. Exporting a presentation in the wrong format, or being a day late on entering my billable time used to seem like huge problems.

Now my problems look like ensuring there's enough breast milk in the fridge for the baby to eat, making sure they don’t blissfully ride their pink strider bike into moving traffic, and oh yeah, making sure my toddler isn’t cramming marbles into her little sister's mouth when I’m not looking.

This perspective tilt has allowed me to look at work problems in a refreshed light, devise a plan, and move forward.
I can handle a lot. Being a parent means you inherently juggle multiple things at home. The birthday party plans, the back stock of diapers, the mental math of how many nights has it been since they last took a bath… When you translate the mindset and skill set of managing multiple things at home into the workplace, honestly, sometimes, the work seems easy.

Choosing to go to work vs. stay home with my children is both a privilege and a decision I didn’t take lightly. Despite almost breaking even due to daycare costs, I’ve decided to leave my children in someone else’s care and spend more hours of my day with my work and the people at work than my own family.

And believe me nothing is more of a punch-in-the-gut when your toddler hangs on your leg begging you to stay as you grab for your work bag each morning.

Oof, it’s a tough reality when I put it that way.

But it’s causing me to reflect on how I’m spending my time and making me take the work I’m doing more seriously. Am I learning? Am I growing? Am I working alongside people who both challenge and accept me? Am I making something better through the work I’m doing? Am I modeling for my children the importance of working, working hard, and making an impact?

Right now, that answer is yes.

I’ll continue to evaluate this as each season of work passes by and make sure I’m doing work that keeps making me answer ‘Yes,’ enthusiastically.

I’m also aware that my decision to put my children in care of others is what is best for me. Putting on real pants, stepping outside the front door in the morning, and driving to an adult centric space is a taste of sweet freedom from the demands of sticky hands and broken-record name dropping. My sanity is on the line, and being a part of a team outside of DorgeHQ keeps that important detail in check.

While it feels I’m never doing anything to its best potential, I’m accepting that is how life will need to be.

Do I sometimes park the car in the driveway after a day at the office, seatbelt still strapped across my shirt and soak in a few minutes of calm before transitioning from work into mid-evening meltdowns where my toddler’s limbs turn to rubber and her body slowly tumbles to the floor when I ask her for the sixteenth time to wash her hands before sitting down at dinner?

Yes.

Do I sometimes take my phone into the bathroom and lean against the locked door to refresh my email just one more time to see what’s come through since I left the office as little hands tap on the door outside?

Yes.

Do I sometimes ask the grandparents to ‘meet me half-way’ on a Sunday to drop off the girls so I can cram in a few work projects I couldn't get to?

Yes.

It’s all still messy, and it’s all still chaotic. I’m frequently behind on Slack messages and I’m often a day late replying to the ‘important’ email, but my perspective has changed to filter the problem through the lens of life, and I know my work is getting better as a result.

Everyday I’m faced with the challenge to produce more intensely at work, and more intentionally at home.

I now understand that the seesaw of work and life will never be at equilibrium. And while each up and down makes me question which way to go, I know the best thing I did for my career was to have kids.

This essay was made possible by ALL of the incredible feedback from the Write of Passage community. Thank you specifically to

Brenda Geary, Melissa Moore, and

Sadia

. Your time and impact was so appreciated!

Emma Dorge

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