Get to know your neighbors

Because when the dryer breaks, you'll be glad you know them.

I knew it was broken the second time I went downstairs and opened the white metal door. Inside my clothes sat sopping wet from the washer’s pitiful spin cycle. 

“Damn it,” I muttered. One more thing to figure out.

I scooped the dripping pile of clothes out of the dryer, into my green plastic basket and carted them back upstairs to our room. Having no drying rack or hanging surface, I littered the room with shirts, pants, tiny baby onesies and unmatched socks. Why do the socks never match?

The week went on and no simple fix for the dryer seemed to work. Unsure how ethical it would be to ask my two-year old to wear her undies inside out when she reached her last pair, I figured I needed to do something.

My hometown isn't well known for its laundromats, and no way was I about to spend time gathering clothes, loading them into the car, driving them across town, putting them in the dryer, waiting for the dryer, taking them out of the dryer, folding them, driving them back home and THEN finally, putting them away. 

Oof, I’m exhausted just typing that. 

Instead, I took my neighbor Denise up on her previous offer of ‘let me know if you ever need anything’. I heaved the green basket over the shared backyard fence as Denise spattered, ‘Of course I don’t mind honey, you let me borrow that bleach weeks ago and you know, I just never returned that, it’s no problem at all, really, honey. I know what it’s like having little ones and the laundry just never seems to stop.’ 

Phew.

Denise’s help was just one example of the benefits that come with knowing your neighbors. 

Yes, there's the laundry support when your dryer’s broken. There's also the chicken pot pie with homemade crust that Lynda thought we needed after the second baby came, and JP’s flat driveway for the kids to ride bikes on, and the texts from Bill checking in that we’re okay because the curtains have been closed all week and he didn’t see the trash out on Monday. 

Then there’s the friendships.

The unexpected ones that seemed to magically form when the house that went for sale on the corner with the blue shingles and shady oak tree attracted a family of four who now come over for dinner twice a week when someone’s low on groceries or one of the parents is traveling for work. The neighbors-turned-friends who send 9PM texts with two words: “quick walk?” Which is code for: I need to get out of the house because bedtime was crazy, everything is a mess, and I haven't talked to another adult all day.

We were meant to live together, share resources, lend a hand, and look out for one another. These close proximity relationships take us back to the importance of community. As a parent, the antiquated saying of, ‘it takes a village’ is a reality. Having relationships with your neighbors means you’re taking care of each other. Something we’re inclined to do. Something that is a natural instinct. Something that is slowly evaporating as we become more isolated and independent in a digital age. 

The neighborhood keeps us together.

But forming connections with your neighbors does require some effort. Yeah, you could chart out the cadence of work-schedules and watch from the window as each neighbor comes and goes, making sure to be outside or conveniently grabbing the mail at those times. Or, slightly less creepy,  you could leave a note in their mailbox with your phone number and a friendly invitation to reach out if they need anything. Pair that with a simple wave, a genuine question when they walk by, or making an effort on Halloween night to physically pass out candy when the doorbell rings. These things work!

It may feel like a gigantic emotional lift to put yourself out there, but it’s important to show up. And yes, I’m guilty of running inside when I see Susan’s garage door open because I don’t have time to hear about her new job. Or drilling my gaze deep into my phone when someone new walks down the street. But if you can show up more than you turn away, it works.

Yes, it takes a village. It takes a neighborhood. It takes people outside of our own walls to help make life meaningful and help dry the clothes when the dryer breaks.

Get to know your neighbors. While not all of them may become your best friends, they certainly are your closest. 

My dryer’s still broken, but thankfully I’ve got a lot of neighbors.

This is my second essay in Write of Passage Cohort 11. Thank you to everyone who helped provide feedback:

CansaFis Foote

Ann Hagedorn

People & Profit

Wes Lambert

Karena de Souza

Greg Waning. Thank you to

Alexandra Allen

for the final push to send this out and your very helpful remarks! Thanks to

Priya

for encouraging me to stick with this original idea in our little breakout- excited to meet you IRL this week.